You’re likely feeling a shift in family dynamics this holiday season. Your child who used to be so content with a traced hand on paper, brown crayons + fake feathers to glue on to their “turkey” is now a tween/teen who rolls their eyes or crosses their arms when you ask about what they’re excited about for Thanksgiving break.

Here’s the thing – it’s very natural for our kids to grow skeptical of spending more time together during the holiday season and it’s more than normal to see their mood shift when it comes to doing traditional things together as a family.

While the changes are normal, it doesn’t mean you have to sit back and give up on creating meaningful connections with your kids this season.

In fact, identifying and promoting your teen’s strengths is one of the biggest influences in building your relationship and helping your teen make safer decisions. Some of the best ways to identify your teen’s strengths are to be present together, use effective communication skills and create opportunities for them to showcase what they are capable of!

Because teens with high self-esteem or self-worth make safer decisions when faced with risky situations, it’s imperative for us as parents to acknowledge what they are doing right – their strengths. It’s so easy to get caught up only acknowledging what they are doing wrong or what we want them to change.

At Teen Speak, we have developed a Shield of Strength activity that is very popular in our parent community. This can be used with all ages of kids (from 5 years and up) and it is so powerful for everyone to complete them (moms and dads too!) together as a family. An explanation of how to do the activity is below. It focuses on family strengths, provides a framework for identifying strengths in ourselves, and the opportunity to acknowledge those strengths in each other.

I know you want your teen to feel supported + valued – so, regardless of how they may come across during these moments of increased family connection, I urge you to keep trying – even if they aren’t showing much interest in reciprocating the communication you initiate.

Shield of Strength Activity

Note: Keep the completed document somewhere that they will see it everyday – on their mirror or on the back of their bedroom door. This can help keep their “self talk” more positive. Explain that the shield of strength can be used to shield negative talk from others (hold out the shield as protection) and to mirror strengths back to you (hold out your shield and turn it to face you).

1. Print out a copy of the Shield of Strength for each member of your family (adults included). Colored pens, markers and stickers can make it more fun to complete!
2. Prompt each section with the suggested questions below to guide each category, then provide a few minutes of quiet time to fill out each one
3. After everyone has completed the 4 sections, take time to go around the family and add one word per category per family member. This will boost self-confidence in your teen by sharing strengths that you see in them (and it’s amazing to hear what each sibling thinks of each other as well!)

Belonging: “Who is in your inner circle? Who are the adults you trust?”

Mastery: “What are you good at? What are you interested in doing?”

Generosity: “What do you do to help out at home or at school? How are you a good friend?”

Independence: “How do you make a decision about something important? What plans do you have for your future?”

Use this PDF to guide ideas for your family members.

We hope this activity opens up space for conversation in your family and allows your teen to feel seen, heard + confident.

When you do this activity, please take a photo and tag me on Instagram so I can see how you use it as a family!